Happy Mother’s Day to each one of you! I’m so grateful for you and all the many roles you play in showing compassion and kindness to yourself and those you love.
Though not all countries celebrate Mother’s Day, here in the US we consider it a national holiday where we pause regular life to take time to appreciate the mothers and women who raised us, as well as mentors and mother-figures in our lives. Of course we also receive appreciation, cards or small gifts from those we mother, whether our own children, nieces and nephews, neighbors or friends.
I believe we are all called to show love, compassion and kindness to others, whether or not we have our own children. We’ve all been children at one point, but the truth is, that none of us were cared for perfectly, (Trust me, I know, I have four kids!). And sadly, many of us were neglected or mistreated by the ones who were supposed to be taking care of us.
I bring this up, not to be a downer on an upbeat day, but to acknowledge that when we’re working towards healing anxiety, depression, or chronic mind-body symptoms, we often need to learn how to mother ourselves. Sometimes we’re suffering with symptoms because the little one within us is still carrying hurt.
Healing Exercise
One healing exercise I give clients is to imagine our 5, 8, 10, 15, or 21 (you get the idea) year old self and consider what she’s afraid of, or what she might need. What might she say, if we gave her the chance to speak? We can have a dialogue with her on paper, write her a letter of understanding and acceptance or just sit in silence to listen to her share things she’s never been allowed to vocalize before–maybe because no one was listening.
When there are gaps in the care we should have received, we do not have to stay stuck. We can move towards our inner selves with deep listening, kindness and acceptance, to be willing to take the time to love and mother ourselves. Maybe at times it doesn’t feel fair we have to do this work, that we should have been better taken care of, and often this is true. So it makes sense we may need to work through anger, resentment or grief about the way our own mothers may have treated us. Even mothers we love dearly fall short, no one is perfect! But eventually we can begin to let go of those hurts as we learn how to more actively care for our inner selves.
As you reflect on the ways you are grateful for or maybe even disappointed in the ways your own mother cared for you, I wonder if you also might consider how to nurture or mother your inner self. Taking a few moments to slow down, listen and love ourselves, can move us forward into deeper healing.
And no matter how you are or aren’t celebrating Mother’s Day this weekend, I hope that you create a few moments for self-care, light and joy in your day. Here’s to nurturing ourselves as we heal!
